I follow so many awesome people and am a part of lots of health and fitness groups online. I love the day of the week hashtag days, and occasionally I even participate. Recently though, I have really withdrawn and been feeling increasingly negative about myself and my health journey. Today’s #MotivationMonday comes at a great time to help me get back into the swing of things.
I started on March 17, 2018, with the goal to be in the best shape of my life before my 40th birthday. Within about 7 or 8 months I’d lost 85 pounds, my blood work was normal, and my Dr. told me I could consider my Type 2 diabetes in remission. Awesome! I felt like I was on top of the world!
Unfortunately, there were setbacks, my routine yearly well-woman visit found pre-cancerous cells in my uterine lining and I was quickly scheduling for a full hysterectomy, leaving my ovaries. I had the surgery at the end of November 2018.
It was 12 whole weeks before I could return to yoga and exercising. I worked really hard to get back into the swing of things, doing yoga nightly, getting to the gym at least 3 times a week, and was feeling really good. But the weight had stopped coming off and I was at a hard plateau for months.
In May 2019, I had an ovarian torsion, which I do not recommend. It literally felt like an alien trying to claw out of the side of my body. I had emergency surgery to remove my right ovary. After 4 weeks I was released to go back to exercising, but I didn’t. Instead, I battled with the darkest depression I’ve had in many years.
I stayed mostly to my keto diet, but I didn’t even do my yoga, I stopped meditating, I stopped doing almost everything except the bare minimum to care for my family. Quickly, I gained back 14 pounds and was ashamed and angry with myself.
I finally reached out to my husband and revealed how serious things were, by showing him my detailed, unemotional plan to commit suicide. It was crafted to ensure my family would have all of the information they would need to carry on without me. So, I created nice, organized spreadsheets.
Bill has dealt with his own depression and was able to provide me the best support, he was there, he didn’t judge me, and he helped me reach out to my therapist and doctor.
That was my lowest point and it’s been about a month since then. I have been on an antidepressant, haven’t missed therapy, and have been really following my diet. Slowly things have started to look up. I have lost 9 of the 14 pounds and I have an appointment with a trainer at my gym for Friday to get back in the swing of things.
On this #MotivationMonday, I am feeling very reflective. The things that had motivated me to get healthy are still true. Being here for my autistic son and our grown children and grandchildren is a necessity. I want to grow old with my amazing husband and be healthy enough to travel and hike and camp in all of the places we’ve dreamed about.
My weight loss wasn’t motivated by vanity (at least not mostly). I didn’t hate my body, I wanted to feel good and be healthy. My depression forced me to examine my goals and motivations.
When I saw the weight gain on the scale I felt incredibly awful, but not because I was bigger. I had worked damn hard and achieved improved health and well being and I didn’t want to lose that.
So today, looking at all of the amazing before and after posts, reading about the mental health gains people have made, and perusing the dozens of motivational quotes shared, I finally feel ready to participate again.
The biggest motivation for me is the health gains I have made. I am no longer considered diabetic and the low-levels of inflammation throughout my body that caused me constant pain are gone. My blood pressure and cholesterol are normal, and I’m stronger and more active than ever.
I turn 40 on June 26, 2020, and I am ready for it. I am going to keep pushing myself towards health, strength, and well-being for the right reasons, using the right motivations.
If you have something you’d like to share for #MotivationMonday, let us know on social media. We love hearing from and interacting with everyone.